It's a game!
by Gred Weasley
Summary: It's a game. That tests your memory. And your bladder.


Gred and Forge's AN: Well, here it is. We promised this before Book 5, and we did it with 2 days to spare. Sorry about that, we were busy doing...nothing. This is probably about a whole years worth of our ideas, loosely tied together by a small, hardly noticeable, not really existent plotline. We had a hell of a time writing it, we hope you have a good time reading it, or at least crack a smile. We consider it our best work yet. Read it a couple of times. It'll grow on you. We've read it about 50 times and we still laugh so hard we cry. Have a happy June 21.  
  
Also, don't ask us why they're in the Great Hall so much, or how Ginny appears out of seemingly nowhere, or why Malfoy's in the bathroom so long...  
  
Disclaimer: Though we love them all dearly, we don't own or have anything to do with Harry Potter, Spongebob Squarepants, The Fairly Odd Parents, or even the Barbie commercial that we got our 'plot' idea from. Anything that you think you recognize from something, you're probably right, we stole it. It's all in good fun.  
  
It's a game! By Gred and Forge  
  
~*~  
  
Harry: [walks into the Great Hall] Wow, it feels like I haven't been here in years.  
  
JK: [eyes shift nervously]  
  
[The mail arrives]  
  
Owl: Caw!  
  
Neville: [Tries to catch a package. It hits him in the head.] Ouch! Damn my hand-eye coordination! Curses! Curses I say! [shakes his fist at nothing]  
  
Hermione: [Raises her wand] Avada- [Gets tackled by Dumbledore]  
  
Dumbledore: [dramatically] Nooooo!  
  
[Malfoy walks by, sneering. Harry and Ron giggle.]  
  
Harry: Way wook, Walfoy's woing to wass.  
  
Ron: [giggles] What...class does he have? Wotions wass?  
  
Malfoy: [walks away and mutters] I have to pee...  
  
[Potions...]  
  
[Harry, Ron, and Hermione are giggling in the back of the class, huddled around something no one else can see.]  
  
Snape: What is that Potter?  
  
Harry: It's a game!  
  
Hermione: That tests your memory!  
  
Ron: And your bladder!  
  
Malfoy: [winces and covers his crotch]  
  
Neville: [knocks all his ingredients into his cauldron] Oh dear...  
  
Snape: 50 points from Gryffindor!  
  
[The potion explodes in Snape's face, and he falls to the floor, unconscious.]  
  
Ron: Wicked!  
  
[The class gathers around the slimy Snape, wondering what they should do, nobody wanting to touch him.]  
  
Hermione: [nudges Harry] Go see if he's okay.  
  
Ron: Who cares?  
  
Harry: [walks over to Snape, close to his feet.] Why is it always me?  
  
[The class watches as he bends over and touches a finger to the tip of Snape's boot for a fraction of a second.]  
  
Harry: He's got no pulse. [He looks at his finger then moves closer to Ron, trying to look inconspicuous. He quickly rubs his finger all over Ron's robes without him noticing.] I need to go take a shower. [looks back at Snape and shudders] Or two...[runs out]  
  
[Common room]  
  
Ginny: Where's Harry?  
  
Hermione: I think he was going to- [She sees Harry coming down the stairs, soaking wet and covered in soap. Both of his hands have been shoved in shampoo bottles]  
  
Ginny: [sees Harry too]...take a shower.  
  
Harry: [not noticing people slipping on the trail of water behind him] Who's up for a walk on the grounds?  
  
Ron: Ooh, who's up for throwing firecrackers at the giant squid?  
  
Harry: [raises his hand, causing some shampoo to fly on Ginny's face] Great idea Ron!  
  
Ginny: [claps her hands to her face in agony] IT BURNS! But it came from Harry, so it tingles with love! [runs around blindly, screaming at the top of her lungs] It tingles! It tingles with- [runs into a wall with a smack*, fainting on impact] (* = Okay, to understand the sound we were thinking of here, slap your thigh as hard as you can, or try running into a wall yourself. Either one.)  
  
Ron: [not noticing his now unconscious sister] Let's go!  
  
[they scamper]  
  
[...outside...]  
  
Harry: [drip] Man, is it humid out today or what?  
  
[they stop by Fred and George]  
  
Hermione: Erm, George, what are you doing with that blowtorch?  
  
Ron: [looks at Fred] And what are you doing with the Quidditch balls?  
  
Fred: [tosses up the Quaffle] Well you see...  
  
George: Fred and I were thinking-  
  
Fred: Man, Quidditch has gotten a bit dull.  
  
Ron: [looks offended]  
  
George: And how could we possibly make Quidditch more fun?  
  
Harry: [raises his arms] Ooh! Play it with a bunch of monkeys! [does a windmill motion, spraying them all with water, shampoo, and surprisingly, conditioner]  
  
George: That too.  
  
Fred: Or we could...  
  
George: [fires up the blowtorch uncomfortably close to Hermione's head] Light the balls on fire!  
  
Fred: [cackles madly]  
  
George: Ahem. So what are you three up to today?  
  
Hermione: Well, Ron and Harry are planning to- [is cut short by a loud bang, then a tremendous roar]  
  
Ron: [running past them] Skwiddy's pissed!  
  
Harry: [screams and grabs the closest person in a hug, which is Ginny, soaking her]  
  
Fred: [points at Ginny] Just think Ginny, you're almost taking a shower with Harry!  
  
Ginny: [faints]  
  
George: [looks at Ginny] Wait a second...when did she get here?  
  
Harry: [still hugging Ginny] I dunno. [shrugs]  
  
Hermione: Have we forgotten about something here? [looks back at the rampaging Skwiddy, now with Dennis Creevey in a tentacle]  
  
Dennis: Help! Harry! Help!  
  
Parvati: [in a tree with Lavender, grasping a crystal ball] WE KNEW HE WOULD SAY THAT!  
  
Lavender: It's all right here! [pulls out a muggle coat hanger and starts waving it around wildly, poking Parvati in the eye] Whoops...  
  
Ron: Oh yeah, lunch! [grabs Ginny's ankle] Let's go!  
  
[they set off for the castle, Ron dragging Ginny; the giant squid, now going after Colin, forgotten]  
  
[Lunch in the Great Hall...]  
  
Dumbledore: [clears his throat] Students, I'm afraid I have some rather unfortunate news...  
  
Harry: [wipes shampoo off his glasses like a windshield wiper] Red rum! [giggles childishly]  
  
Ron: And white wine! [giggles]  
  
Dumbledore: [looking uncertainly at the two] Erm...no. I'm afraid that due to a certain potions incident earlier today [points at Neville]...  
  
Neville: [hangs head]  
  
Dumbledore: -Professor Snape won't be teaching Potions class for a while, seeing as how he's unconscious. [looks pointedly at Neville]  
  
Harry: [runs up to Snape at the Head Table, who's slumped in his usual seat, unconscious] Ha! Take that Snapey!  
  
Snape: [wakes up] 20 points from Sniffledinks! [falls back asleep]  
  
Harry: [wipes his brow] Whew.  
  
Snape: [wakes up again] I meant Ravenclaw! [falls back]  
  
Harry: Whew.  
  
Snape: [raises his head for the last time] I meant Sniffledinks and Ravenclaw! [points at the floor] Ha!  
  
Harry: Damn.  
  
[back at Gryffindor table, Harry, Ron, and Hermione are giggling and huddled around something no one can see]  
  
Dumbledore: [walks by Harry, slipping slightly on the soapy floor] Why Harry, what's that there?  
  
Harry: It's a game!  
  
Hermione: That tests your memory!  
  
[Malfoy walks into the Great Hall, zipping up his trousers, looking relieved]  
  
Ron: And your bladder!  
  
Malfoy: [winces, covers his crotch, and runs back out, knocking over Dennis, who has his head wrapped with large bloodstained bandages]  
  
Dennis: [on the floor, shaking his fist] Damn you Skwiddy!  
  
[Transfiguration]  
  
Hermione: [giggle]  
  
Ron: [giggle]  
  
Harry: [drip] [giggle]  
  
McGonagall: Why Harry, what's that there? [slips under the never ending puddle of water around Harry] Whoa doggy!  
  
Trelawney: [screams from the North Tower] I KNEW SHE'D SLIP!  
  
Harry: [looks down at Professor McGonagall] It's a game!  
  
Hermione: That tests your memory!  
  
Ron: [giddy] And your bladder!  
  
Two random Hufflepuffs in a broom closet on the other side of the castle: [wince]  
  
McGonagall: 50 points from Ravenclaw!  
  
Hermione: What was that for?  
  
McGonagall: Onions.  
  
[Later in the Great Hall (again)...]  
  
[Harry walks past the Slytherin table]  
  
Draco: [glare]  
  
Harry: [glare]  
  
Draco: Potter!  
  
Harry: Malfoy!  
  
Draco: Potter!  
  
Harry: Malfoy!  
  
Ron: [yells from Gryffindor table] Weasley!  
  
[Later, outside...]  
  
Ron: 'K' is usually your funniest sound..kangaroo...carrot collector...  
  
Harry: Walrus...tweed hat...  
  
Hermione: kettledrum, kinkajou...  
  
Harry: [walks into a tree]  
  
Hermione: klutz...  
  
[they realize they're in a forest]  
  
Ron: [looking around] This forest is old, very old...older than Dumbledore, and that's damn old. [Hermione nods] It's full of memories...and anger...  
  
Harry: [whispers knowingly]...and trees.  
  
Ron: And giant blow-up dolls.  
  
Harry: Ooh, where?  
  
Hermione: [ignoring the giant blow up doll, which Harry and Ron are now dancing with] We're lost...in the Forbidden Forest!  
  
Ron: [dramatic scream]  
  
Harry: [hums the Twilight Zone music] Do dee do doo, do dee do doo...  
  
Ron: DUN DUM!  
  
Hermione: Oh my gosh, we're going to die, this is the end...  
  
Harry: No it's not Hermione.  
  
Ron: [stops hammering on a coffin labeled 'Hermione'] It's not?  
  
Harry: No, but there's only one thing we can do...  
  
[later...]  
  
Harry: [drip] [giggle]  
  
Ron: [giggle]  
  
Hermione: [giggle]  
  
Blow-up doll: ...  
  
[Firenze walks up to their circle, trying to see what they're huddled around]  
  
Harry: Okay, your turn Hermione.  
  
Hermione: [blows a raspberry] Okay, your turn Ron.  
  
Harry: G7 Ron.  
  
Ron: King me! King me!  
  
Hermione: [smugly] But it's not Tuesday.  
  
Ron: Son of a-  
  
Firenze: Mars!.....is bright tonight.  
  
Harry: Hello there Firenze. Want to play?  
  
Firenze: [looking uncertainly at the blow-up doll] Play what?  
  
Harry: A game!  
  
Hermione: That tests your memory.  
  
Ron: And your bladder.  
  
Firenze: [winces and gallops away]  
  
Harry: [makes the blow-up doll cover her crotch] Ha, look. She's gotta go too.  
  
[Hagrid walks up]  
  
Hagrid: What are yeh doin' with me blow-up doll, in me own garden!  
  
Ron: Garden? I thought this was Spanish class!  
  
Harry: Tengo un cerdo en mis pantalones!  
  
Hermione: You have a hog in your pants?  
  
Harry: [pulls out Steve, his pet pig] Sí!  
  
Ron: Well, if this is just a garden...lets just...go. Right?  
  
[they start to leave]  
  
Hermione: Harry, give Hagrid his blow-up doll back.  
  
Harry: [lip trembles]  
  
Hagrid: [sees the doll covered in shampoo] Erm, yeh can keep 'er 'Arry. I'll jest borrow Fang's.  
  
Harry: I can keep her hairy? What? I don't want her hairy...[is dragged off by Ron and Hermione]  
  
[back in the common room]  
  
Harry: [leaning out the window, sobbing] Oh Hedwig! Why did you have to go?!  
  
Hermione: Harry, she's only taking a letter to Sirius...  
  
Harry: Oh yeah.....[screams out the window] Fly Hedwig! Fly like the wind!  
  
Ron: Ha...like the wind. I like that Harry.  
  
Harry: Yeah, I like it too. Like it like the wind! [slaps knee]  
  
Hermione: Erm. Well, we should be off...  
  
Harry: Off like the wind!  
  
Hermione: Oh good Lord...  
  
[Review. Review like the wind.] 


End file.
